One Down, Forty to go

Yesterday was the first Saturday night of the year without my husband. According to the schedule I’ve been given, I'll have about 40 more of these in 2015. Fortunately for me, this first one was pretty darned good thanks to a friend’s invitation for a girls' night in.

The last time I hung out with the ladies I tried to cancel no less than 15 times. It didn’t matter that I had known about the event for over two months. It didn’t matter that it was for a friend I have known for nearly 5 years. The thought of having to put my “happy face” on (for the second night in a row) was nearly more than I could bear, but no excuse seemed good enough to actually try.

Once there, I ate, I drank and I pretended to be merry. It was great to see the surprise on our guest of honor’s face when she walked in expecting to have dinner with her husband, but instead saw her girlfriends ready to celebrate her and the bundle of joy she was housing within her belly.

Tonight was different. It was my first social event without Dave since I sought help. When I received invitation, I accepted without hesitation. As I went about my day, I never tried to think of an excuse to get out of the engagement. And the best part was when I got there: I didn’t have to pretend.

Both of my companions had read my blog and were aware of the struggles I’ve been going through. Just like everyone I have heard from regarding my last post, they were so amazingly supportive. I cannot even begin to express how incredible it is to finally be free.

At the end of the night, I was trying to explain the differences between ‘having the blues’ and having ‘depression’. I always get the blues when Dave leaves on DET or after a visit with my grandma. I feel like in that situation, I know its temporary and after a few day: BAHM! I just snap out of it and move on with my life.

Depression pretends to be the blues, but it isn’t. I just kept waiting for that ‘thing’ to happen to make me feel better. Maybe tomorrow I’ll clean the house. Maybe tomorrow I will have lunch with a friend. And before I knew it, tomorrow was next week, then next month, and in the end, I spent months of my life waiting for a tomorrow that never came.

And then she asked me how I was feeling and the truth is that I’m feeling about 75-80% like myself. I’m not better yet, but I’m well on my way. I’ve decided that in addition to the medication I am currently taking, I’m going to find a therapist to work with as well. Any tips on a great therapist in Virginia Beach that can help me cope with my depression, anxiety and (currently unmedicated) ADHD would be greatly appreciated.